Month: January 2023

Sex Fantasies/

How to Introduce Kink to Your Partner

What is kinky sex? Francisco Ramirez, a sexual health consultant told Well+Good, “Kink is anything that falls outside the bounds of culturally defined expectations, which, because of often wildly puritanical societies, could basically be anything that’s not penile-vaginal intercourse.” In other words, kink is a fantasy. It’s a time to play and do things that aren’t considered “normal.”

We’ve all had that fantasy of being saved from a castle from our knight and shining armor. Now that we’re adults, I’m sure that fantasy involves sex, right? NORMAL!

You want to jerk off because you see a nice pair of feet? NORMAL!

You want to be forced to have sex with your partner to feel like you’re in a rape scene? NORMAL!

You want to be tied up and be called degrading names while you’re being fucked? NORMAL!

The list goes on and on. If something made your body tingle and you had to jerk off afterwards, chances are you have a kink.

I’m happy to tell you there is a space and community for you.

While most kinks are “non-conventional” and because society isn’t quite sex-positive, it takes a person a little bit more courage to tell their partner about it. It can be frightening to confess to your partner your deepest desires especially if you’ve been ridiculed in the past.

Kinks are just important to your sexuality as blowjobs are to men. It’s what we desire and if it is not fulfilled, we can feel unsatisfied and it can lead to cheating, resentment or even post coital dysphoria. Post Coital Dysphoria” is the feeling of sadness, anxiety, agitation or aggression, after sexual intercourse or masturbation.” Depriving yourself of your kink is depriving yourself of pleasure and fun! You are normal to have them and you should be able to share this part of yourself without feeling shame.

Whether you know the kink or you want to try a new kink with your partner, here are some tips to introducing it to them.

1. Communicate

Communicate!!!! Talk about your kink with your partner and explain to them how it came about. Your partner will be much more understanding and willing to explore it if they understand why it turns you on. Communicate what exactly you want to do and how you want it to be done so that there are no surprises. This is also a great opportunity for you to get your partner to talk about their kinks if they were afraid to talk about it in the first place.

If communicating this formally seems intimidating to you, try dirty talking your desires. It’s hard to resist something when you’re already in the moment ;).

2. Show them the Porn Version

Hearing the word kink or BDSM can be deceiving. Most of the time when people hear those words they think they have to act as a slave or get their balls kicked in. I know my boyfriend did. Show them that it’s not what they think by showing the porn version of it. It’s easier for someone to get on board with something when they see other people enjoying it.

3. Explore through Different Kinks Together

There are so many kinks. The list goes on and on. Skim through it with your partner to see what interests you both. You might be able to discover the names to the kinks you already have or even discover new ones. To make it easier, try taking the BDSM test together and share your results. If you have something in common, definitely dive into that!

4. Baby Steps

If your partner is on the fence with your kink, you might want to start off with baby steps. Educate your partner on BDSM/kink. Let them know the benefits of it and let them know the pleasure will be mutual. What’s great about BDSM/kink is that the community is strict with consent. Reassure them that you won’t do anything they aren’t comfortable with.

5. Prepare for a Negative Reaction

Unfortunately, no matter how much you explain to someone your kinks, they’ll never understand it. At this point, it’s up to you if you want to continue this relationship. If you feel in your heart that this kink is part of you and this is the only way you can be fully satisfied, they might not be the right one for you. I think if anyone who loves you, they will at least try to make it work even if they have to do it in baby steps.

Don’t settle when it comes to your sexuality. That is your part of your power and if it’s taken away from you, you might feel short in other aspects of your life. I’ll leave you here with an excerpt from Audre Lorde’s essay, The Uses of Erotic: The Erotic is Power,

“But when we begin to live from within outward, in touch with the power of the erotic within ourselves, and allowing that power to inform and illuminate our actions upon the world around us, then we begin to be responsible to ourselves in the deepest sense. For as we begin to recognize our deepest feelings, we beg

in to give up, of necessity, being satisfied with suffering and self-negation, and with the numbness which so often seems like their only alternative in our society. Our acts against oppression become integral with self, motivated and empowered from within.”

(Please read her essay if you haven’t. It’s such a beautiful piece!)

Stay Sexy & Curious!

INSTAGRAM: @sexishh

Sexpert/

How to Start Enjoying Giving Blowjobs

If you asked me years ago if I liked giving blowjobs, it would’ve been a “HELL NOOOO!” I would’ve been okay living the rest of my life without giving a single blowjob. I remember thinking how much it felt like a chore, like a force of nature. I hated the idea of getting on my knees just to get lock jawed and receive bad head afterwards.

It was not until one day I had a dick in my mouth when I realized the power I held.

Suddenly I’m the one pulling my partner’s pants down at 8 in the morning. I believe once we change the way we perceive blowjobs, we can enjoy giving them more and use it to our advantage. Grab your pillow ladies, because you are going to LOVEEE being on your knees… teehee.

1. Think About How Much you Love your Partner

I notice when I’m having the best time giving my partner head, it is when I’m thinking about how much I love him! I’m thinking about how much his pleasure means to me and in return I give him what he deserves. I don’t know about you, but I love seeing my man happy especially if I’m the reason for it. Thinking of it as an act of love makes giving head more enjoyable.

2. Create BJ Goals for Yourself

Giving a blowjob shouldn’t feel like a job! It should be fun. It’s sex! Sex is the time for you to be playful with your partner and to learn more about each others bodies. Create mini goals when you’re giving your man a blowjob. Challenge yourself and tell him you’ll make him cum in less than 10 minutes. You’ll find yourself giving him the best blow job just trying to fulfill this goal.

3. Grab Your Sex Toy

Giving a blowjob doesn’t have to feel one sided. Your pleasure matters too. Try grabbing your favorite sex toy or your favorite dildo and use it on yourself while you’re going down on him. Picture both of you guys coming at the same time! Drool* If holding the vibrator is distracting, there are harnesses you can attach to a pillow so that you can use your vibrator hands free.

For a dildo, there are plenty of dildos that have suction at the bottom so throw that thing on the floor and ride it baby!

Wand Essentials Passion Universal Wand Harness
ALAN DUAL DENSITY VIBRATING DILDO KIT

 

4. Make it Interesting

I love mentioning the grapefruit technique because it’s surprisingly a hit! All of the times I’ve tried it, it was better than expected for the man. Get yourself a juicy grapefruit and cut a hole in the middle. Have your man sit down with his eyes blindfolded. Slowly put the grapefruit on his dick and start sucking while squeezing the grapefruit. It’ll be a tastey experience for you while you watch your man drown with pleasure.

Grapefruit

 

5. Think about the Power of Good Head

If you’ve received good head before, you know you’re cooking breakfast for them. It’s just something we naturally do when we’re thankful for something. A good blowjob will have your man get you ice cream at 2 in the morning, it will have a him say “yes” to eating his ass, it might even get you that date night you’ve been waiting for! Any man will tell you what they would do for good head. Take advantage of that.

6. Try Getting Real Good at it

When you’re told you’re good at something you don’t want to stop doing it. It’s the same with giving head. Once you know how good you are at it, you won’t want to stop showing off your skills to your partner. Let your partner know that you love a good verbal feedback. Hearing someone cheer me on while I’m giving head always makes it more fun. Remember, practice makes perfect! Try watching blowjob porn to learn new techniques to try on your partner.

7. We Have All the Power

We have the power as soon as we put that dick in our mouth. We made a choice to put it in our mouth and we can stop whenever we want. Don’t ever feel like you have to do it for someone else if you’re not comfortable. This is the beauty of sex, consent!! Just changing your mind to thinking that you have all the control will help you enjoy giving blowjobs more.

The secret to good head is not the techniques but the attitude you have while giving head.

You can always tell if someone isn’t in the mood to giving head, you’ll feel it in your body. So try to change your point of view of blowjobs and give it another try. I promise both of you will be happy!

Stay Sexy & Curious!

Instagram: @sexishh

LELO The Enigma

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Sex Fantasies/

Ethical Porn sites For Women

Are you trying to get into porn but you can’t find anything that turns you on? Ethical Porn sites might be for you.

I love hardcore nasty degrading porn. That is one of my kinks I developed over time. Keyword, “overtime.” I came to like this type of porn after watching so many different types of categories, different porno productions, and different websites. It wasn’t always easy finding the type of porn that worked for me especially when I was younger and trying to get into it. Now, I love porn! In my opinion, it’s one of the greatest ways to explore your sexuality. It allows you to be curious and helps with fantasizing during masturbation. If you are just getting into porn, I’m here for you!

I started watching porn around middle school. I was a horny little kid. While I knew I wanted to watch something sexy, I knew that I didn’t want it to be too sexy.

At the time, penetrative sex was considered too hardcore for me.

I figured I was only 13 and I wouldn’t be fucking like that until later on in life. I stuck to three main categories. lesbian porn, best sex scenes in movies and mastubation porn. They were sexy but still innocent enough for me to enjoy at the time.

While those satisfied me for a little, I was more disappointed with the categories that I couldn’t find which was kissing, sensual and basically anything that was “lovey dovey” sex. I was trying to look for porn that would ease me into it. Something that looked relatable and real. I had a hard time looking for my fantasy.

If you’re getting into porn and you are having a hard time looking for something that turns you on, it’s probably because most mainstream porn is made for cis-gender men. It is mostly fulfilling their fantasies and not yours. Not all of us want to imagine being deep throated, choked, or being fucked like a rabbit.

Unlike men who are more visual, women need to be stimulated in the mind to achieve any type of orgasm or pleasure. While there are plenty of women who enjoy mainstream porn, there are many who prefer to watch porn that is sensual and women focused.

It is now only in the last couple of years women are realizing that they deserve pleasure too. We are seeing a rise in sex toys made specifically to make women cum. This just shows how much we love to cum and how much we love having sex! As a result, we are seeing more women creating porn for women. It’s about time!

Finally, women are making it easier for other women to enjoy watching porn. Porn created by women is not your typical porn you would see on pornhub, xxxvideos, redtube, etc. You’ll notice these porn focuses more on the woman’s pleasure. It focuses more on what a woman would fantasize rather than what a man would. This includes authenticity, connection between partners and mutual respect.

If you are looking for sexy masturbation material and typical porn is not working for you, try these feminist porn sites. I’m sure you will have an easier time finding your fantasy there. Unfortunately, alot of these feminist porn is not for free but you can definitely count on them for being produced ethically.

I’m a huge porn advocate if it works for you. If you like hardcore sex or if you like soft core sex embrace that shit! I think porn has a bad rep because people look at it in the wrong way. I think porn should be used to help embrace your sexuality. I view it as a performance more than an education. I think it’s an act these performers are paid to do because they can do it. Their body was made for this. So don’t compare yourself to these porn stars. Instead, be curious and try out the things that spark your interest. But never, ever compare! Don’t feel too bad if you can’t stick two massive dildos in your booty hole unless that’s something you want to try, then go for it.

TIP: Try watching porn with your partner then point out all of the things you want to try. Since men are more visual, they will have a better understanding on how to make you cum easier.

Ethical Porn sites

Stay Sexy & Curious!

Instagram : @sexishh

What’s your favorite porn site for ethical porn? Comment below.

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Sexpert/

How to give your Woman the Best Oral Sex

What I mean by giving head: When your mouth is physically on a pussy.

If you’ve experienced the come hither motion from your woman and you’re not the one doing it in her pussy, then this is for you. If your woman is telling you to come up in the middle of the head, especially if you were only down there for a couple of minutes, you might be doing something wrong. I know when head is bomb! Your woman should be begging you to keep on going, not asking you to stop.

Women are more complicated than men when it comes to pleasure.

For us, we need to be physically and mentally aroused to achieve an orgasm.

We women are tired of people who go down on us and go straight to the clit. We women need to speak more about this. We need to share what feels good to us so that we can stop this nonsense where we don’t cum from getting head.

After I’m done with you, the only reason why she’ll be asking you to come up is because she won’t be able to resist you and your dick. Here are techniques to give your woman the best head of her life.

– Take Your Time. Like I said, women must be mentally aroused to achieve an orgasm. If you’re in a rush, save this for later. A fast motor boat lick won’t do it no matter how big or long your tongue is. TIP: The best time is when you’re in your comfy clothes that’s easy to get out of.

– Don’t Forget About the Erogenous Zones. For women, the erogenous zones are the mouth, the back of the neck, the nipple/ breast, inner thighs, and the ears. TIP: Try using the tip of your tongue when you’re in her erogenous zones. Then pretend you’re sensually making out with them. Get passionate and close your eyes.

– Tease. Teasing is always fun when you’re trying to get someone in the mood. As much as you want to go straight to the clit, don’t. Wait for it. Try touching everything but her clit so that it’s screaming to be touched. TIP: Kiss and massage the inner thighs and include soft breaths along her pussy lips.

– Edging. Edging is a technique where you sexually stimulate someone right until ejaculation with an abrupt stop before beginning again. Edging is practiced for better orgasms as well as a treatment for premature ejaculation. This can also work on a woman. TIP: Pay attention to her body language. When you feel she is about to cum, either slow down your tongue or remove your mouth completely off her pussy. She’ll be begging you to keep on going!

– Touch the pussy. Take your hands and make a big circle and place it on her pussy area. That is the surface area you want to cover. Don’t be afraid of the pussy lips, the pubic area and even her bootyhole. Touch it, suck it, & lick it! TIP: If you see her pussy dripping, slowly put a finger in. Watch her body language to see if you can add more. Use your fingers as if it were curious itself. Pretend your fingers are entering this tight wet cave for the first time. Do this seductively. Another tip! Try rubbing her pubic area with a light pressure while you are licking her pussy.

– Tongue. Just because you have a big or long tongue does not mean you give good head. So… for those of you flicking your tongue trying to seduce us, please stop. We are making fun of you at brunch. Instead, focus on being creative with your tongue. Make each lick purposeful. Add pressure to your licks and use the tip of your tongue often. Start off slow going in circles and then lick like you’re trying to finish a melting ice cream cone. Don’t get me wrong, going crazy with your tongue is great but save that for when the pussy is aroused. TIP: Fuck her pussy with your tongue like you would with your dick! Ladies, don’t be afraid to grab their head and make them do it. ( With their consent of course.)

– DEEP THROAT. Yes, I said deep throat. Hear me out. I know you can’t actually deep throat a pussy BUT you can do all of the actions and make the sounds that are associated with deep throating. Think about why men like to hear the gagging noise when someone is sucking their dick. It’s for their ego. It works the same for us. This is something that I’ve discovered recently that I absolutely love to hear! This noise drives me wild! So give it a try! TIP: When you are going hard eating her out and she is close to climaxing, FUCK her pussy with your face. Grab her thighs and put your face in it while making gagging noises. If gagging noises sound too advanced, try making your licks and sucks louder.

– Feel your Sexiest. You have a sexy side and that’s why you support Sexish. Now, bring out the sexiest YOU when you’re eating your partner out. However that looks to you, feel it and be it! Just like you can tell if someone is not into sucking your dick, we also can tell!! TIP: Just like your woman’s body needs to be aroused before sex, yours does too. Play with your nipples and figure out what feels good. Touch them like no one is watching.

– Practice. Practice practice practice!! You only get better at something when you practice. The more you know how your partner’s body works, the easier it will to please her. TIP: COMMUNICATE! If you feel you’re not satisfying your partner to the fullest, ask them what they like.

Every body is different which means not all of the techniques mentioned will work on everyone. With that being said, it won’t hurt to try them. Let me know if you have your own tips that make your partner go WILD! Comment here or shoot me a DM on Instagram @sexishh.

Stay Sexy and Curious!

*I don’t have a medical background. All my opinions are mine.”

Instagram: @Sexishh

 

 
 
 
 
 
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Sexpert/

How to Prepare for Anal Sex

My favorite topic! I just love the idea of people enjoying anal sex as much as me. I feel once we get the proper education on how to prepare for it and we get more butt advocates out here , it will be a regular act that we all do. Then we can all be happy human beings living our best lives. (IMO)

Lucky for you if you have a booty hole, this is for you. Our booty hole is loaded with all types of sensitive nerve endings which can stimulate even your genitals.

According to Healthline, for cisgender men “anal sex can stimulate the prostate and lead to an orgasm. Prostate orgasms are intense enough to send waves of orgasmic pleasure from head to toe.” As for women, anal sex can hit two of our hot spots, the G-spot and A- spot! These are located along the vaginal wall which can be easily targeted through anal sex according to Healthline.

If you are a cisgender man who wants to try anal sex but are too worried that it’s a “gay” thing, I would try to look at it as part of your self exploration journey with your partner. Remember your partner is the one doing it. The same partner who you share your secrets with. The same partner you have sex with. Look at it as trying something new!

Let’s get started:

Talk to your partner: Before doing anal with your partner I suggest talking about how you want your anal experience to be like. For example, for the person giving, it might be temping for them to just “stick it in.” Make sure to tell your partner to go in slow and to watch your body language to gauge how you feel. This would also be a good time to come up with safe words if things start to get uncomfortable. The more specific your rules are, the more fun it will be since you know what to expect.

Cleaning: Call me weird, but my favorite part is cleaning the booty hole for anal. I feel turned on just knowing how impressed my partner is going to be when he sees his dick slide out clean every time. I feel like a porn star! Cleaning is key to a mess free session although there may be some accidents that we can’t always control. There are a couple of ways I like to clean my booty hole. If you have a new way you don’t see listed, please share!

  • Enema or Anal douche: An Enema is injecting liquid into your lower part of your large intestine so that releasing your bowel will release easily. There are plenty of enemas out there ranging from reusable to disposable ones. I like using Fleet which you can find in most drugstores to start out my cleaning process. I like that it contains a saline solution which makes me feel like I’m releasing more. WARNING: You will feel an uncomfortable cramp when it’s in you but that’s just the solution working. I’d talk to your doctor before using it if you have any questions. After I finish the saline in the bottle, I empty the remaining liquid and fill it with water. I’ll squirt water into my booty hole and release until the liquid is clear. Dispose the enema after using. If you want to avoid going to the store often, I recommend you get yourself a reusable enema. You can find these at any of your local sex shop in the anal section. I’m not going to lie, I’m excited for you to feel the satisfaction of watching clear water coming out of you.
Fleet
Anal Douche
  • Bidet: If you have the luxury of having a bidet, this is a great way to clean yourself. To get the best cleaning from a bidet, after taking your first dump, while the bidet is spraying on your booty hole, push out as if you were taking a dump. Your booty hole will open up and the spray will act like a power wash. Spraying out the water is like doing an intense enema.
  • Water bottle: If you can’t get your hands on the things above, you can always use a water bottle. The best bottles to use are shaped like Poland Sprint bottles. The easier it is to squeeze the better the bottle. Make sure you clean the top of the bottle with water and soap if you’re using a used bottle. Fill the bottle with water and then sit on top of the toilet or get into the shower. You’re going to put the top of the bottle directly on your booty hole and then squeeze. Just like an enema, refill, squeeze and squirt until the water is clear.

Prepare to be Penetrated: Preparing your booty hole not only involves cleaning it but also preparing it to be penetrated. Most people think they can just take dick in the butt without letting their booty hole know that it is going to be penetrated by something big. This usually ends up being a painful session and it should not be painful. Luckily for you, there are anal starter kits that include butt plugs with different levels. When you’re looking for a butt plug, look for the ones with a base at the end. The base is there so that your booty hole doesn’t suck up the toy. As soon as something passes your outer sphincter, your booty hole starts to suck anything that goes in. With that being said, the base allows you to leave the toy in there without it moving. I like to leave it in for a couple of mins- hours to prepare for an anal session.

Fingers are also a great way to train your booty. Do this every now and then in the shower to train your booty hole for penetration.

B-VIBE ANAL TRAINING SET
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Make Sure you are Turned On: Without being turned on, you will have a hard time taking something up your booty hole. If you’re on your own, start playing with your booty hole by using your fingers. Before entering, massage around your booty hole. Tease it as if you were trying to get yourself wet. Doing this will relax the outer sphincter which will make things go into your booty easier.

If you’re with a partner, have your partner eat your booty out like groceries. Make sure to suck, spit, and lick in and out of the booty with your tongue.

I hope these tips help you on your next anal session! Remember to stay curious!

Check out my last blog post on why you should give anal sex another chance. You’ll find more tips on there too!

Stay Sexy & Curious!

Instagram: @sexishh