Month: February 2023

Sexpert/

How I Became Comfortable with my BF Watching Porn

Before being in a relationship I would have fuckbuddy’s. We would watch porn together or they would watch porn alone. Either way, I was fine with it. I figured we were never going to end up in a long term relationship so there was no reason to bug them about it. 

It was not until I got into a relationship when  I felt some type of way when I found out my partner was watching porn without me. Yes, we’d watch porn together and it was fine, but alone? “Why would he need to watch porn alone,” is what I was thinking.  All these emotions started coming up. Emotions I would hear from couples in the past that I never thought I’d experience myself. I felt confused, betrayed, insecure, and jealous. 

I’m here to tell you, you are not alone for feeling the way you do when you discover your partner watches porn. It can be a terrible feeling especially when done secretly. 

With that being said, I still don’t believe that finding your partner watching porn should be a deal breaker in relationships. Of course, that is up to you to decide but hear me out. Most of the reasons why one wouldn’t be okay with their partner watching porn has a lot to do with internal issues that haven’t been resolved. 

It wasn’t easy for me to accept my partner watching porn at first. We had to have a lot of honest and vulnerable conversations with each other. There were tears, laughter, and feelings of embarrassment but it was all worth it. It made our relationship stronger and we got to know each other more along the way.

Since becoming comfortable with the fact my partner watches porn, I feel less stressed. I’m now able to focus on the bigger picture instead of focusing on something I cannot control.

I’m also able to practice what I stand for with Sexish which is to help others embrace their sexuality. Either being an advocate for women to playing with themselves or being an advocate for men who want to jerk off alone because they have fantasies, too. As long as no one is getting hurt in the process, I’m here for it!

How to be comfortable with your partner watching porn:

1.Have a conversation with your partner: Once you begin to feel some type of way when you find out your partner watches porn, journal your feelings or talk about it with a friend first. It’s never a good idea to have a conversation when you are upset. You’ll end up going off on your emotions which are not always true. 

Once you’re ready to have a conversation, be honest and open with your partner about how him watching porn makes you feel. You can even use this time to ask him any questions that will answer any of your assumptions you had about him to make you feel more comfortable.

Also, you’ll notice just having your partner listen and respect you will make you feel better. Often during these moments we feel that our partner might not care or even want to listen to what we have to say about this topic. You’d be surprise what a conversation can do!

Keep in mind that masturbating and watching porn for your partner might be a private thing so, proceed the conversation in a non judgmental way. 

2. Define what cheating means to you: Does cheating involve a physical person? Is emotionally flirting considered cheating? Is watching someone else fuck considered cheating?

Ask yourself these questions and if you end up with the answer of “porn is not cheating,” then try to reframe your thoughts on porn. Porn has always had a bad rep in the media and it’s not a surprise that it’s the reason why you dislike the idea of your partner watching it. 

I like to think of pornstars as performers since they are performing an act that most of us can not do. Or, I like to think of pornstars as strictly fantasy and that my boyfriend will never get a chance to bang them in real life. Thinking this way makes me less insecure he’s going to cheat on me with them. 

Once you’ve established the definition of cheating with each other, you will feel more comfortable knowing where both of you stand in your relationship.

3. I stopped being controlling:  Another way I started to become comfortable with the fact my partner watches porn is by getting rid of the idea that I can change him. As much as I’d like for him to only fantasize about me, I would be a hypocrite if I forced that on him. 

Let’s be real, whenever I feel sexy, I throw on porn and masturbate. I’ll fantasize about the big black dicks on the screen and wish that I was the woman being gang banged. If that was taken away from me, I’d be devastated. I would hate for anyone to feel they cannot express themselves sexually especially if that is something they do in private. If I’m really uncomfortable about the topic I will make sure to leave before I shame someone for expressing their sexuality. 

4. Make porn watching an activity you do together: If you’re still getting used to your partner watching porn, try watching porn with them. Watching porn together will give you guys the opportunity to learn new things about each other sexually as well as grow your relationship stronger.

By doing this, you get a sneak peak of their world they go into when they are watching porn. You’ll most likely take it less personally the next time you think of them watching porn because you’ll know that he does this activity for fun and you’ll realize it has nothing to do with the relationship. 

5. Why do you feel that way?: It’s important to understand why you feel the way you do. Pretend you already know the backstory to why your partner watches porn. He’s told you that it has nothing to do with you, that he loves your body the way it is, and that masturbating to porn is part of exploring his sexuality. That, pulse you watch porn, too. 

If after that, you cannot get over the fact that he watches porn, maybe it’s time to talk to your therapist or someone about this topic. This topic can be triggering for you and it’s worth finding out why. If we say we’re confident and secure with ourselves, why do we still have an issue?

Watching porn is normal! While it’s easy to think about the negative reasons why one watches porn, there are plenty of positive ones. Such as education, arousal, self curiosity, boredom, stress relief, etc. Because there are so many positive reasons why your partner watches porn, I believe you can be comfortable with this fact! 

When it comes to sexuality, we cannot be hypocrites. Just because we were told this narrative about porn doesn’t mean we have to stick with it. We are a new generation of sexual beings and we should look at it with a different perspective. It is not fair to judge someone for exploring their sexuality differently.

(I go back and forth between partner and bf without even thinking about it. I believe all my posts can be relatable to all genders. So, if it gets confusing, sorry!)

Stay Sexy & Curious!

Instagram: @sexishh

Sexpert/

Tell Your Partner What you Want Sexually

Happy Monday!! Sorry, I’ve been slacking with my posts! A lot has been happening and I was away this past weekend at New Orleans celebrating my 2 year anniversary with my Boo. But, I’m back with a sex post that I promise you will change your sex life forever!

Continuing Spice Up Your Sex Life Challenge for this month, I have “Tell Your Partner What You Want Sexually” on the calendar.  In other words, don’t wait for him to tell you what he wants from you in bed, YOU tell him what you want from him! This will prevent a lot of running back to your girlfriends and gossiping about what you didn’t get in bed.

I think the reason why so many people believe men love sex more than women is because men are more vocal about sex and what they want in the bedroom. We can learn something from them because this seems to work for them not only in the bedroom but in the professional world. Hewlett Packard did a study on why women weren’t in top management and Forbes put it like this, “Men are confident about their ability at 60%, but women don’t feel confident until they’ve checked off each item on the list.”

When it comes to sex, we women check the box for everything on the list. I don’t know what that list looks like but I know that we check it all! I know this because I’ve seen what men will do for us and there is no way we can go wrong! The only times things go wrong is when we don’t ask for what we want to feel fulfilled.

Actually, what men don’t tell you is that they love it when a woman knows what they want in bed. You’d be surprised by how many men actually just want to sit down and not think about the next move. From experience, men are turned on by me because I know specifically what turns me on, what positions make me look good, and most importantly, what makes me feel good. Best believe if I want my booty spanked I will grab his hand and show him how I want to be spanked.

TRY THIS: Think about all the times you had sex with someone and then afterwards felt like something was missing. Sit down with yourself and list the things you wish would’ve happened for the moment to be more satisfying for you. Do you wish that he went down on you longer? Do you wish that he was more gentle with your clit? Do you wish that you didn’t feel rushed sucking his dick? Do you wish foreplay was longer? Do you wish he wouldn’t call you a bitch during sex? Do you wish that he could’ve pulled your hair a little harder?

Think about your perfect sex session and how that looks like. Of course, keep in mind that you can’t control the situation completely but you are able to do things for yourself that will make you feel more empowered and less shameful. 

If you’re intimidated by this, you can always start slow by saying “no” or speaking up when you feel uncomfortable. You’ll eventually get used to being more vocal in which you’ll begin to see your sex life change for the better!

I hope this advice helps and you give it a try! Remember, you can always go back to being submissive and not ask for what you want if you don’t like it.

The Spice up Your Sex Life challenge is supposed to challenge your way of thinking about what you already believe in. It’s to show you what could happen if you step out of your comfort zone. Make sure to leave a comment if you’re participating in this challenge. Again, you don’t need to follow the challenge everyday. If anything, treat it like BINGO and see how many you can do this month! That’s what I’m doing! HAVE FUN!!

Stay Sexy & Curious!

 

Sextails/

Sex Shops with the Best Valentine’s Day Sale!

Hi bbys! If you haven’t noticed, it’s almost Valentine’s Day. Oh you have noticed? What made it obvious? The chocolates and balloons in all the grocery stores? The jewelry store commercials?

Even if I didn’t want to be part this Valentine’s Day holiday, I’m kind of obligated to because my anniversary with my booboo is on Valentine’s Day! We were two single sad people walking around in LA who found each other. Well, I found him. I saw him across the street and bent my ass in front of him so he could notice me. But I digress…

Where was I? Oh yes, Valentine’s Day! Good news, sex shops online are having their Valentine’s Day sale right now! So whether you’re alone for the holiday, you want to gift your girlfriend’s sex toys on GALentine’s day or even if you want to stay inside with your partner and decide to explore and do sexy things inside all night, this sale is for you!

Sex toys are not cheap which is why this is a great time to get that toy you’ve had your eye on for yourself at an affordable price. Here is a list of sex shops with sales going on right now! You’ll find everything from vibrators, cock rings, butt plugs, lingerie, remote controlled toys and more! The list is endless just like your sexuality! HAVE FUN!!

Sex Shops with Valentine’s Day Sale

Up to 50% off

LELO, the luxury brand of sex toys is having a huge sale right now for both their 20th anniversary and Valentine’s Day. You’ll find some of their classic toys like the Sona 2, Soroya 2, Smart Wand, and my favorite, The Enigma on there! What’s great about this sale is that when you spend over $159, LELO will gift you a free personal moisturizer aka LUBE!

There’s still time to treat your Valentine! Free 2-Day shipping on orders $200+ with code CUPIDRUSH at goodvibes.com
Don’t be late to get a gift for your date! Free 2-Day shipping on orders $200+ with code VDAYRUSH at babeland.com

Good Vibrations and Babeland are the OG’S of selling sexy toys and educating women about pleasure ! Both have a great deal right now where if you spend more than $200 you’ll get 2 day shipping for FREE. This is perfect for anyone who doesn’t have time to go out to a shop and needs their sex toy ASAP! P.S. Both retailers have a variety of toys that are new and innovative. Take advantage of this sale to stock up on toys that you’re curious to try.

JO Pleasure Set

Lube is always the perfect gift to give to someone or yourself. There is no such thing as too much lube! For this Valentine’s Day, try  JO’s new flavored lube with their sweet & bubbly set. Use code SEXISH10 to get 10% off your order!

Valentine's Day Sale Up To 80% Off Code: LOVE - 250 x 250
Valentine’s Day Sale Up To 80% Off Code: LOVE

Use code LOVE to take advantage of PinkCherry’s sale up to 80% off! You’ll find familiar brands like the Womanizer, Satisfyer, Inya and more! I love how they have a variety of toys for the beginner all the way to the well seasoned masturbator. The prices are affordable too if you’re participating in a GALentine’s sex toy exchange!

Bellesa

Bellesa not only has sexy ethical porn, but sells quality sex toys! For the next 14 days, Bellesa is having unbeatable deals everyday! How exciting! There’s deals where you get a discount on a sex toy or even get a sex toy for free when you spend a certain amount! TODAY, you can get a free Airvibr Pro with the code VDAY7 when you spend only $69+! LET’S GO!!

LoveHoney

Shop at LoveHoney, a large online retailer for sex toys, lingerie and sex toy accessories up to 50% off! I love that they have their Valentine’s sale categorized so that you can go straight to what you need. Categories include couples gifts, solo gifts, gifts under $30, and Lingerie.

This is only a few sex shops that I’ve mentioned but there are plenty more! Make sure to check out my Favorite Sex Shop page just in case I missed any. Do you know any good sales right now? Please share!!

*A reminder to my single folks, you are loveable and loved! The greatest love comes from you so treat yourself!

Stay Sexy & Curious!

 

Sexpert/

Bring a Sex Toy in the Bedroom: Sexish Challenge Day 3

It’s day 3 in the Sexish Challenge to Spice up Your Sex Life!

Today’s challenge to spice up your sex life is to bring a sex toy in the bedroom! If you are not already doing this, why not?! I’m not saying that you need a sex toy during partnered sex to have an orgasm but it definitely enhances the experience. It may not be for everyone but, I think it’s worth trying.

I believe sex toys open doors to pleasure that you never knew existed. If you’ve watched Everything Everywhere All at Once, it’s like channeling into other universes. It sounds intense because it is!

I’ve always been the one to bring sex toys in the bedroom. If I knew I was going to sleep with someone that night, I always made sure that I had at least one toy in my overnight bag. I did this because I knew I wanted to have an orgasm regardless if it was given to me or not. I was in control of my orgasm every time.

Of course there are people who want to bring sex toys in the bedroom but they’re afraid of hurting their partners feelings. They’re afraid their partner’s ego will get hurt and it will make them feel like they’re not enough.

If your partner feels this way when the topic of bringing a sex toy in the bedroom comes up, it maybe that he really isn’t doing enough or he lacks the knowledge of what sex toys can do in the bedroom. It’s normal to be a little confused if one has never heard of such a thing before. Still, no one should feel intimidated instead they should be supportive and encouraging.

Bringing sex toys in the bedroom is a great way to spice up your sex life. If you’re interested in doing this but don’t know how to approach your partner, I gotchu!! Here are some pointers to introduce it to your partner.

How to Introduce sex toys in the bedroom

  • Explain to your partner why you want to bring sex toys in the bedroom: This is a great time to explain to your partner that it’s not because he isn’t enough but because you’re curious about how it can enhance your sex together. Put emphasis on how this would be a great opportunity to explore each others sexuality. Involving your partner in the explanation makes it easier for them to be open to the idea. Remember to use words that sound inviting and words that come off curious. Avoid sounding like you’re complaining or criticizing the sex you’re having right now.

P.S. you can also mention how your friend on SEXISH says it’s life changing and worth a try. 😉

  • Masturbate in front of your partner: Pick your favorite sex toy and tell your partner that you want to show him “how it works”. Not only will he be curious about how it works but he will also be so turned on that he will want to join you. Trust me, he would hate to interrupt you if you are enjoying yourself. This is a great way for you to tell him how you want to be fucked while you are using your toy.
  • Find the right sex toy together: Make finding the right sex toy a couple’s activity! I recommend going to your local sex store and both of you asking your sales person all the questions you may have. This will give both of you guys an idea of what type of toy and experience you are looking for.
  • Be open to compromise: While we would love the answer from our partner to be positive and supportive, sometime’s it’s not. It’s important that you go to your partner with exactly what you want and also to be open to what your partner has to say. As long as you don’t get a hard “no” (in which case you should dump their ass. jk… not…jk.. but no really, think about it.), you can always come up with a solution where both of you will be happy.

Go to sex toys for partnered sex:

When I’m looking for a sex toy I can use for partnered sex, I’m looking two things. One, the grip has to be comfortable. I don’t like toys that make my hand sore from the vibration. And two, I like a toy that is the right size which means I like a toy that doesn’t get in the way. The toy shouldn’t be a distraction, it should be a friendly addition like a helping hand.

Satisfyer Pro 2 (use code SEXISH for 10% off)

We all know how much I love The Satisfyer Pro 2. This is on my bedside at all times. The only times you won’t see it there is if it’s dead. It has the perfect grip and it never gets in the way during penetration. It works in all sex positions even in missionary!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Le Wand Massager (use code SEXISH for 10% off)

The wand is a classic in partnered sex. Most popular is the Hitatchi but brands like Le Wand has created wands that are much more appealing and travel friendly.

The long handle makes holding the wand much easier during sex. My only issue with it is that it is super strong especially if you’re sensitive. I find that when I’m using this for a long time, my entire vulva goes numb. So numb to the point I can hardly feel anything. I suggest using this when you’re on the brink of cumming to avoid going numb.

 

 

 

 

 

Lovehoney Sensual Glass Curved Beaded Dildo

I love adding dildos during partnered sex. It almost feels like a threesome except without an actual body involved. You can get creative with it by using the toy at the same time as you’re getting penetrated or separately.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We-Vibe Chorus App and Remote Controlled Rechargeable Couple’s Vibrator

Remote controlled sex toys can be fun during sex! The idea of having your pleasure in someone else’s control is a turn on! Check out toys from We Vibe for app and remote controlled sex toys. Who says sex toys has to be played with in the bedroom only?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I hope this post was helpful for you to have a successful day 3 of Sexish’s Spice Up Your Sex Life Challenge! What sex toys do you use during partnered sex? if you’re not using toys, why not? I want to know! Leave a comment!

Stay Sexy & Curious!

Instagram:@sexishh

Sexpert/

Meditation Masturbation

It’s day 2 of Sexish Spice up your Sex Life Challenge and today’s challenge is meditation masturbation. If you already practice yoga, this will be easy!

Meditation Masturbation is bringing traditional meditation into your masturbation sessions to bring awareness to what is pleasurable to you. In other words, the goal isn’t to orgasm but to feel all the feelings that arise when you are masturbating. This will eventually help with your orgasms alone and with partnered sex. 

As humans we are always so busy. We’re constantly thinking about how we’re going to make money, what we’re going to eat tonight, did I leave the stove off? No wonder it’s so hard for some of us to orgasm when we masturbate or during partner sex. Our brains are constantly thinking about the future. 

Meditation masturbation forces you to focus on pleasure instead of your crazy hectic life. Which is why I included this challenge. This challenge challenges one to take a beat and to acknowledge all the different sensations one can feel. Sometimes the best way to do that is by focusing on just that. I believe it’s important we understand our bodies and we know what makes us feel good! How do you expect someone else to figure out how to make you feel good when you can’t do that for yourself?

This may seem intimidating but it really isn’t! It’s actually really simple! Here is a “How to” to get you started.

How to practice meditation masturbation:

    1. Block a time in your day: You’ll want to plan your meditation masturbation on a day where you have 0 distractions and 0 responsibilities. Aim for the weekend as your brain recognizes that it’s the time to relax!
    2. Set the mood: Do whatever you have to do to get you in the mood to feel sexy. For me, the environment is everything. I like to burn palo santo and let the smoke fill the air to clear out any bad energy in the room. Also, I use essential oils to wake up my senses to relax and stay focused. Some of my favorite oils are eucalyptus and peppermint. MMMM!!
      Palo Santo

      Peppermint Essential Oil

 

  1. Get in a comfortable position: I suggest laying on your back with your knees bent. Either your feet on the bed or with your legs in butterfly position. Relax try not to tense up.
  2. Breathe: Before you do anything, practice focusing on your breathing. I like to breathe in for 4 secs and breathe out for 4secs. Continue to do this throughout your masturbation session. Check out Masturbation Tip: Breathe in and out.
  3. Set an intention: Set an intention for your masturbation session. Why are you doing this? An intention I like to set for myself is “ I am open to feeling” “I am open to letting go” “I am doing this for me” “I don’t need to cum, just relax.” I like to repeat my intentions while I masturbate especially when my mind starts to wander. 
  4. Touch yourself: Don’t rush this time for yourself. Explore each body part as if you were going on a date with them. Squeeze, rub, caress, play with the pressure. Get creative on how you touch yourself. Something that I enjoyed was squeezing my inner thighs with my hands while at the same time squeezing my legs together. TRY IT! Remember to breathe while you’re doing all of this! It’s easy to tense up especially when you start to feel something different. 
  5. Rock your hips: Don’t just lay there, move your hips! Move it in circles, up and down. Pretend you’re at a club grinding your butt on someone’s dick. Imagine your goal is to get the other person hard.
  6. Let go: Literally, let go! Feel and embrace the different sensations you’re feeling. Don’t stop at any point unless you’re hurting. Ya heard?! HURTING NOT PLEASURING!

The goal isn’t to orgasm but you probably will and trust me you will not be mad. I find that when I focus on my breathing while I masturbate, I cum a lot faster. I just can’t help it. So when you find that you’re cumming way sooner than you want to, slow it down. Take the sex toy away from you or lower the intensity. 

As you practice your breathing in your meditation session, you’ll be able to bring it to your partnered sex. Watch your time transform.

I hope this helps! If you decide to join the challenge #sexishchallenge

Stay Sexy & Curious!

Instagram: @Sexishh