Author: Sexish Blog

That's What She Said/

12 Days of Me!

I saw this idea on girlyjuice.net and thought, what a perfect way to highlight the year and show off your best selfies!

I officially have lived in Chicago for a year now and wow, it has not been an easy transition. There was a lot of crying, fighting with myself, fighting with my boyfriend, comparing Chicago to New York, and a lot of complaining.

Even though it was difficult, the times where I pulled through and learned something on the other side of it made it all worth it. I have learned so much about myself and my capabilities in such a short and fast amount of time. I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

With that being said, I’ve come to find reverence in everything everywhere I go. I no longer try to compare but acknowledge the difference in things and recognize what makes it so special. There is someone out there who has a love for something that you don’t like and I think it’s worth trying to figure out the beauty in that.

I’ve learned that complaining and overthinking gets you nowhere. So, just like this post, I do not want to overthink and just post my damn pics aha. 12 DAYS OF SELFIES LETS DO THIS!

January 2022.

In my dickey that I crocheted. Not meant to be worn like this but you know me, I have to make everything sexy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

February 2022.

My boyfriend and I went to Mexico for our 1 year anniversary. WOW! I can’t believe we’ve been together for a year already. It seems like it was just yesterday we met each other on the streets of LA.

Shout out to Secrets of Akumal! Our favorite resort. We love this place so much that we were here just a couple of months before this.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

March 2022

This was the time I started getting into AIR fitness which is using aerial silks. This exercise is both challenging and humbling. Even the most fit person would find this exercise to be difficult.

Dang, look how tiny I was… Definitely my new body goal. This reminds me to always be grateful for the body I have at the moment because I remember even during this time I was complaining about being too skinny..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

April 2022

If there is something long, you bet my mouth is going to be at the end of it. It was April here in Chicago and it was still freezing like it was February.

Shoutout to the Boo whos always supporting my hoe poses.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

May 2022

Before coming to Chicago, I was burning shrimp, making dry mac and cheese but look at me now. I’m cheffing it up in the kitchen almost every night.

I’m also proud to say that I’ve learned to make filipino food which comes in handy whenever I’m feeling homesick.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

June 2022

I was on my crochet game this year. I crocheted this set and a couple of my summer outfits which I was really proud of.

Again, urgh that tan!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Top: Crocheted by me @MADEBYTEETEE on instagram

July 2022

My birthday month! This year we went to Puerto Rico for my birthday. It was everything I asked for when my bf asked me to describe where I wanted to go. I said I want to be surrounded by sexy people, a place with history, I want to dance and a beach.

Puerto Rico was all of that! Besides passing out from dehydration and taking too much edibles, it was one of the best trips we’ve taken so far.

The butts out there?! I think majority of the trip was butt watching. It was amazing.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

August 2022

My birthday continued with a trip to Cancun Mexico with my Madre. It was hot as shit out but it was my type of weather. I don’t mind dipping into the ocean to cool down.

This trip forced me to use all of the tools that I’ve learned about life thus far. This was when I realized I was putting pressure on people to be a certain way thinking they had to know everything that I learned. That is not how it works. People are on their own journey and will discover things on their own.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

September 2022

Clearly it was still warm in Chicago in September. During this time I put out a crochet pattern for this top. I got 6 sales from this pattern which to me, was a huge success 😛

Look at my sexy man urgh!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

October 2022

October was fun! I went back home to celebrate Halloween with the kids. This costume was last minute but I think I killed it! I was having a hard time trying to pose because I was like what the fuck does a Zebra do or how do they even sound?

If we had to go based off the sounds I was making it was between a donkey and horse.

 

 

 

 

 

 

November 2022

November was fun! It was my booboo’s birthday month so it was all about him. We danced, we laughed and we even roller skated in our tiny apartment.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

December 2022

Oddly my next favorite month after July because I hate the cold. But I’m a sucker for Holiday festivities like baking, putting up the Christmas tree, going shopping, and Christmas movies!

I’m not too excited for the New Year because it’s just a continuation of what I’m doing now. But I guess since what I’m doing now is going to show results in the next year, I guess that’s something to look forward to.

I hope everyone has the best holidays! Stay safe and wear a condom. You don’t want to get anything you can’t give back in 2021… like herpes…. herpes is for life.

 

Stay Sexy & Curious!

Instagram: @Sexishh

Sexpert/

How to Be Less Controlling

I’ve been in a real ass relationship for almost over a year now. This is new territory for me as before this relationship, I was having frequent casual sex with whomever and whenever I wanted. It was a fun time and I would never regret it but, I’d rather much be in the position I am now. Sorry not sorry.

I get good dick whenever I want, I don’t have to lie about my partners head being good, I don’t have to fake my orgasms (we’ll communicate instead) , we equally can’t get our hands off each other, and the best part is, degrading sex doesn’t feel so shameful.

When you’re in a new relationship, especially a spiritual relationship, you not only end up learning a lot about your partner, but you also end up learning a lot about yourself. It isn’t an easy path but if you want to move forward in life or embrace your sexual journey, you’re eventually going to have to confront your fears. Fears include jealousy, insecurity, lack of confidence, anger, blaming, judging, etc.

It could be that we first experienced these at a young age and we are now over exaggerating the situation by bringing it into our present life.

It’s not our fault that we experience these fears. It could be that we first experienced these at a young age and we are now over exaggerating the situation by bringing it into our present life. It’s up to us to be aware when these fears are triggered so that it can be easier for us to deal with them. Our future us will thank us.

I value growth. I feel that we as humans never stop growing even if you’re in your 50s. There is always something new to learn about yourself and others. To me, growing means to be able to live life without fears or at least to be able to combat your fears as soon as they arise. I don’t believe people are meant to stay in a negative state for so long.

I want to share a story about a time when I discovered I was being too controlling. I think a lot of us experience anger and pain because we have a problem with control. I never thought I was a controlling person. If anything, I knew controlling people and I didn’t think I was like them at all. It was not until I started talking to my therapist about my problems with jealousy and being angry which we concluded that is was all due to CONTROL.

STORY TIME:

It was the day right before my flight to New York. I woke up feeling great that morning because it was a Friday which meant when my boyfriend came back home from work, it was officially the weekend!

As I lay in bed awake first, I started to think about how I wanted the day to be like. He had been doing a lot for me the past couple of weeks and I wanted to return the favor. I decided that I wanted that Friday to be all about him. We’ll watch porn because I know he likes that, I’ll make chocolate covered strawberries for a sexy moment, I’ll pleasure him whenever he wants and I’ll even go to the sex shop to find something that we can both enjoy together. To me, it sounded perfect! I couldn’t wait to tell him what I had planned. A day just about him.

While he was at work, I prepared. I went to the grocery store, went to the sex shop, went to get my punani waxed, I was ready! He actually came home early so that we could spend more time together. He’s the best!

As the night went on, all I could think about was him. Was he having fun? Was he feeling sexy? Could I do anything to make him feel sexier? When are we going to watch porn?

As the night went on , all I could think about was him. Was he having fun? Was he feeling sexy? Could I do anything to make him feel sexier? When are we going to watch porn? I started to grow anxious as he wasn’t doing anything that I had imagined in my head. Instead, he was doing things that was relaxing to him which was fine but again, not how I imagined a sexy night to start or lead up to.

I checked up on him a lot since I thought we were both on the same page that this night was going to be sexy. There was no sexy in the air and I kept blaming myself for it. I started to suggest things like, “do you want me to take out the strawberries?”, “should I take the sex pill right now?”, “do you want me to suck your dick?” Anything!

Finally, we were both feeling uncomfortable and he spoke up. He admitted that whatever was happening felt forced. Past me at the time, was offended. “FORCED”!? How did it feel forced when we both wanted it, right? I thought I had explained the type of night that I wanted so how could he have not known what I was expecting? What did he mean FORCED?

I started to explain to him what I was trying to do and how my intentions were all so good. It seemed like there was a miscommunication somewhere because apparently when he heard that it was his day, he thought he could do whatever he wanted with no problem. But when I said it was his day, my real intentions were that WE were going have a sexy night. I figured if he’s feeling sexy, I’ll benefit from it.

We ended up arguing that night because I refused to believe that I was trying to force anything on him. I was embarrassed and disappointed.

THE ISSUE

When it comes to dealing with issues, it takes me a while to process them. Especially if it has to do with me taking responsibility. I cannot be angry and try to deal with it at the same time. I’ll end up turning into a nasty person and say things I’ll regret in the morning.

After going through every moment in my head from start to finish, I realized where the problem started. It started in the morning when I planned out how I wanted the night to go so that NOTHING could go wrong. It did the opposite. I planned for something where EVERYTHING was wrong if it wasn’t according to how I played it out in my head. Hence the reason why I was getting more irritable every time something was going off plan.

I gave both of us such high expectations where there was no room for error. This wasn’t fair to him because he had no idea he was under that much pressure. How would he have known what was going through my head if I didn’t tell him?

I started to think about all the other moments where I found myself angry and anxious. They all had something in common which was whenever something didn’t go my way, I was not happy. My problem was having to know what was going to happen because I was afraid if I didn’t prepare for it I would fail and be embarrassed.

That is something I had to admit to myself which was tough at first but enlightening. Did I want to live a life where I always knew what was going to happen? Or did I want to live a life where I’m open to any possibilities because let’s face it, the possibility that we are telling ourselves may not be the best one. I want to live a life where I’m open to anything and if in that moment I have to struggle then so be it. At least I’ll be a much stronger person from it.

Do you find yourself controlling situations? Could this be the reason why you find yourself upset whenever something doesn’t go your way? Could this be a reason why there is a stunt on your sexual journey?

I believe that losing control is the best way to live life especially if you are on your sexual journey. It’s impossible to get to know yourself when you try to control every aspect of your life. Sometimes you need to let go of the wheel and trust that your Universe is doing everything in the best interest for you. You’d be surprise what is in store for you. The book Seat of The Soul talks about this the best. This book along with therapy has given me tools that I use everyday to help with this. It’s life changing and I highly recommend it.

I hope this helps you by showing you what controlling your life can look like. It looks different for all of us but they all share similar consequences. Let’s all try to work on losing control!

How to be Less Controlling

– Go into a situation open to possibilities. Think to yourself that NOTHING can go wrong because if it does, that means that you were expecting something to happen. That is CONTROL.

– Be aware of how you say things. The words you use determine a lot of how your brain processes things. For example, I used to use the phrase ” I’m going to make him” whenever I would want to introduce a thing I was passionate about to someone. That phrase of making him do something aka forcing something on him already is telling myself that I don’t care if he wants to hear it or not. I’m going to make him listen and if he doesn’t I’ll be upset. Instead of using those words, I now go about it as “sharing” my passions with someone. I’ll introduce the topic because I love it but I won’t be upset if the other person won’t be into it too. I no longer have expectations for people to like the things that I like.

– I ask myself what is my intention. Intention is everything! There is an intention behind everything we say and some of us are just not aware of them. Once you become aware of why you are saying or asking things, the less confused you’ll be when a situation doesn’t go your way.

– Stop putting expectations on yourself and others. I noticed when I was being judgmental of other people, I was really being judgmental of myself. I expected them to be a way because I expected myself to be a way. Stop being so hard yourself and you’ll see yourself be less hard on others.

– Identify what control means to you. Try journaling about control and see what comes up. Ask yourself the questions, “What does control mean to me?” “Why do I need control?” “What happens when I lose control?”

– If all fails, do the opposite of what you’d normally do when you control a situation. If you react, try to respond instead. If you yell, try to use a different tone of voice. When you do this, you are being present and that is a start!

Stay Sexy & Curious

Instagram: @sexishh

Disclaimer: Many of the links provided are affiliate links which means that I may get commission if you purchase something using the link on my website. (Thank you in advance) This is at no cost to you at all. I only share things that I believe would help one in their sexual journey. All my opinions and advice are my own. I am not a doctor or therapist so if you have any real life concerning questions, I am not the one.

That's What She Said/

Last Minute Christmas Gift Ideas

I can not believe Christmas is literally next week! I don’t even feel like doing any “end of the year” things because the last time I celebrated the end of the year, we ended up in a pandemic for two year. TWO FREAKING YEARS. No, thank you. I’ll just wait and see what happens.

However, the end of the year is separate from Christmas, okay? I love Christmas! Christmas is one of my favorite holidays and it’s not because I still make a Christmas list to send out to my family so I can get everything that I want… But it’s because I love watching people open their presents. Especially the kids! I will forever know their pain when they unwrap a present and it’s a box with clothes in it. *throws to the side* NEXT!

While Christmas is not all about gift giving, it’s a great gesture to show your appreciation for them. Even if it’s as small as a stocking stuffer. It’s the thought that matters and I’m learning that saying is really true. So for you late Christmas shoppers who need last minute gift ideas to give to your sexy person, either your partner, friend, mother, sister, your neighbor, I gotchu! Hurry now, as there are plenty of Holiday sale going on!

Last Minute Christmas Gift ideas

PASTEASE RED BOWS $12

Photos from Sedure

These are the perfect stocking stuffers to end Christmas night in a jolly way. These pasties are wrinkle resistant, waterproof and hypoallergenic. These are also perfect for any occasion if you decide not to use it for Christmas. Think, birthday, Valentines day, anniversary or any day where your present is enough. And let’s face it, that’s everyday. Use my code SEXISH to get 10% off off.

Photo from Sedure

 

Le Wand Vibrating Necklace $100

Every time I pass through this at a store or online, I always tell myself I’m going to get this. Hopefully I’ll get this as a gift this year 😉 . I’m putting that out there. I love love this. It’s a vibrating necklace but look how discreet it is! No one will ever know what your bathroom break really means. This comes in four colors, silver, rose gold, black and gold. Getting jewelry is already hard enough to get for a woman but this is so simple that it will look amazing on anyone!

 

 

 

TENGA Spinner Beads $27

Photo from Hollywood Hustler

Tenga products like the eggs or this one is great for a stocking stuffer for your boyfriend. If he’s not big on toys or didn’t even know there were toys for men, he’ll be excited to try this one.

I just saw the idea of putting the eggs as an ornament for your tree and I love that!!

 

 

 

 

 

Photo from Lovehoney

Bejeweled Butt Plug $26.99

Okay rule of thumb, anything with a shine or sparkle is a yes for a Christmas gift! Butt plugs are not only great stocking stuffers but also a great way to break it to your partner that you want to try some butt stuff. Who doesn’t want something shiny in their bootyhole?! I know I do!!!

These also come in tons of colors so you can pick one that is perfect for your partner or you.

 

 

 

Photo from Lovehoney

Lovehoney X We-Vibe Sweet Seduction Couple’s Sex Toy Gift Set $120

I love gift sets! You get so much for what you pay for. I especially love gifts that are couple friendly so that you can explore each other sexually on another level. So if you’re having a hard time finding something, just look for presents where both of you can have fun.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sexy Ashtray $40

Sexy presents don’t always mean a sex toy has to be involved. Sexy can even show itself in home items. If your partner is a smoker, something like an ashtray that is out of the ordinary would be the perfect gift!

Photo from The Standard

 

 

 

Body Shaped Candles $22

If you can support a small business this Christmas, you definitely should! Etsy has so many items that you would never find in stores made by real creatives. Like this Dalmatian candle shaped like a body. How sexy? A great gift for women who are into aesthetics.

Photo from GremBathLab

 

 

 

 

 

Uberrime Rosae Rose Silicone Grinding Toy

If the person you are buying for is a beginner in their masturbation journey, try giving them a grinding toy. This is great for people who are intimidated by vibrators, suction toys, and dildos. They’re so pretty and delicate looking.

If the person you know isn’t into delicate and pretty, there are also options out there with dragon tongues!

Photo from Spectrum Boutique

 

 

 

 

Seat of the Soul by Gary Zukav

Photo from Amazon

You know whats more sexy than being physically sexy? Being mentally and emotionally stable! When I say stable, I mean, someone who is present and aware of their emotions. No one is “stable” but there is a difference between people who react and respond. This book right here is my bible to life! I recommend this book to everyone because it changed my outlook on life.

I am more happy and more aware of what is love and what is fear.

I think sharing this new perspective in life is a gift itself. So, if not a book for your person, gift yourself this. You deserve this too!

 

Photo from Sedure

Gift Card

Gift cards may not be the most thoughtful gift but if this is last minute, a gift card will do. Put the gift card in their stocking, in their Christmas Card, or even hang it on the tree to make it look cute!

Some places even have digital gift cards so maybe you can even surprise them with an email. Make sure to let them know that it is not a spam and that yes, you are giving them a gift card to buy sex toys.

 

 

List:

– anything from LELO

– Glass dildo

– Satisfyer Pro 2

– Inya the Rose

– Mini Magic Wand

– Double ended dildo

– Lingerie from Kiki De Montparnasse

– Edible body paint

– Butt plug

I hope everyone has the best holidays! Let me know down in the comments or in my DMs what gifts you ended up buying for your sexy person!

Stay Sexy & Curious

Instagram: @sexishh

Disclaimer: Many of the links provided are affiliate links which means that I may get commission if you purchase something using the link on my website. (Thank you in advance) This is at no cost to you at all. I only share things that I believe would help one in their sexual journey. All my opinions and advice are my own. I am not a doctor or therapist so if you have any real life concerning questions, I am not the one.

Sextails/

Sacred Squirter by Yoni Palace Review

Happy Thursday!

The moment you’ve all been waiting for, or not but I have, is finally The Sacred Squirter by Yoni Palace review. I briefly talked about the unboxing of the toy and how I came to find it back in May.

Recap:

– I found this toy browsing on Instagram

– The founder of Yoni Palace is HOT, (Rosie Rees)

– The name of the toy sold me

– This product came from Australia

Who:

Yoni Pleasure Palace is a luxurious online retailer of pleasure wands, yoni eggs, waterproof sex blankets and feminine wellness products.

Their mission is to help women strengthen their pelvic floors in order to “inspire women to slow down (and squirt!).”

What:

The Sacred Squirter is a tongue shaped glass dildo. It’s curves and bumps are designed to help vagina owners hit their G-spot. The dildo is hand blown and made with borosilicate glass. Think beakers, flasks and other glass materials used in a laboratory. This means that it is temperature responsive in which the toy will not shatter under extreme heat or extreme cold aka perfect for TEMPERATURE PLAY.

First Impression:

Opening the package to my Sacred Squirter, I immediately felt like my chakras were jumping with excitement. It felt and looked sacred.

Once I got over how beautiful it was and started to think about using it, I was a little intimidated by the glass, the shape, and the ridges. Before the Sacred Squirter, I had never used a glass dildo before. If anything, I was just getting comfortable playing with my dildos. But if I learned anything from my dildo experience, it’s all about quality that makes a toy worth it which is what I felt immediately when I held it in my hands. I had bought the Sacred Squirter for $94 at the time which now has dropped to $69! Still pricey but quality is expected with that price.

The shape didn’t scare me so much more than turn me on. If you can use your imagination and picture your partner or someone you think is hot with that tongue, urgh you’d melt! I don’t know about you but I would be very eager to find out what that mouth can do.

As for the ridges, I was a little skeptical. I’ve had toys where it came with different texture heads and never found them useful or pleasurable.

Preparation

After a month of having it, I decided to finally give it a try. I knew when I was ready to try the toy, I wanted to be intentional with it. That meant doing it when I was in an exploring type of mood. I think when it comes to squirting there are two things that are a must to achieve it. One, your mind and how relaxed it is. If your mind is on what class you’re going to take on classpass the next day, you’ll never get there. Second, is giving yourself permission to let go. That means losing control and having 0 expectations of what is to come (pun intended). Be open to squirting and be open to failing. Just tell yourself whatever happens it’s going to be okay.

DUN DUN DUNN (I tried it!)

Okay, it’s time. I’m horny. I’m in an exploring type of mood. I’m alone in the apartment. The moment is perfect.

I get everything I need to prepare for this moment. I have my Sacred Squirter, I have my Satisfyer pro (just incase I need assistance), a towel, laptop, and LUBE!

First, I put on porn I like. Then I used my hands to start to teasing myself. I caress my thighs, my stomach, my boobs, and then lightly around my pussy. As soon as I started to feel myself getting wet, I grabbed my Sacred Squirter and started rubbing it against my pussy. Up and down, side to side. Already, I’m feeling a sensation that I’ve never felt before. I’ve used vibrators and dildos to rub my pussy with in the past but this felt different. It was a combination of how heavy the glass was, the ridges and the temperature of the glass. It slid around my pussy effortlessly.

URGH! If that’s how it felt outside of my pussy I couldn’t wait to feel it inside. When I first put it in, the feeling was almost too intense and it was probably because my G-spot was gorging from just the rubbing.

I had to slow it down. I found that taking my time with it was more pleasurable than jamming it in as I would normally do with a dildo. The ridges and the shape of the dildo was hitting the spot perfectly. It was surprisingly very comfortable as most G-spot toys aren’t for me.

Every second of the experience was exhilarating. One of my favorite parts of the toy is that there is an indent in the middle of the tongue where you can see your squirt piling.

Let’s be real, not all of us is a “squirter” where we pee out a fountain. Some of us are gushers where your cum squeeze out like the candy fruit gushers. However you end up cuming, I’m sure you will be able to see your results on the toy. And if you’re anything like me you like to see your hard work.

Did I squirt?

I’ve never been a squirter. All of the guys that I’ve been with have always said something similar whenever I came which was ” a liquid poured out/gushed out.” So I wasn’t surprised when I didn’t get my pornstar squirt moment. But I am not going to let that bring me down. I will try and try until I get it which is not the worst thing to keep on attempting.

How to use it?

There is no right or wrong way to use this toy. I’ve used this toy alone and with my partner. There is no experience that is better than the other in my opinion. I both love to masturbate alone and with my partner.

I do bring this out on more sensual moments as I do not want to drop this toy because crazy can get too crazy sometimes.

Is this for you?

If you are curious about squirting, this toy is for you. I feel that everything about the structure of this glass dildo helps you in achieving that. Also, if you don’t own a glass toy , I suggest that you give it a try. You’ll be surprised with the different sensations you feel versus what you feel from any other toy.

 
 
 
 
 
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A post shared by Sexish (@sexishh)

Check out my video review on @sexishh Instagram

Glass Toy alternatives

While there are plenty of glass toy alternatives it is important that you do your own research on them. You want to make sure that you are getting your toys from a trusted company and that they are using body safe materials. So be careful when choosing toys that are “cheap.”

I hope this review was helpful! I really enjoyed and still am enjoying this toy till this day. Man, I might have to use it after I get off here. I’m all hot and bothered from my own review! 😂

Stay Sexy & Curious!

Instagram : @Sexishh

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Disclaimer: Many of the links provided are affiliate links which means that I may get commission if you purchase something using the link on my website. (Thank you in advance) This is at no cost to you at all. I only share things that I believe would help one in their sexual journey. All my opinions and advice are my own. I am not a doctor or therapist so if you have any real life concerning questions, I am not the one.

That's What She Said/

My Butt Obsession Journey

It’s hump day! One of my favorite days of the week because it’s a day where I can say hump for absolutely no reason. I can say it at my workout class, to my lyft driver, to my doorman, to absolutely anyone and it won’t be awkward.

Top: Free People , Shorts : Kiki De Montparnasse

If you know me personally, you know that my favorite body part is the booty! In this post I will share with you my journey with my ass obsession.

My obsession with butts started in 8th grade going into High School. I went to school with a lot of Spanish girls who had nice butts for 8th graders. I know that sounds inappropriate but it wasn’t a sexual attraction more so than a fascination on how bouncy and big a butt can be.

It was not until High School my fascination became sexual. I remember my first summer as a teenager going to the beach and seeing all the fat asses. I felt like I was in heaven. I had this feeling in me like I wanted to stuff my face in between all the cracks I saw. I’m not going to lie, I was the creep where I would tell my cousins to stand in the vicinity of the butt just so I can get an image of it. It was then I realized what a nice butt can do for a person. ATTRACT and that is what I wanted.

I wasn’t the cutest person growing up or at least I don’t think people I went to school with knew what real beauty looked like. So I thought a nice butt could make up for it. Soon after I was doing everything I thought would give me the perfect butt.

I would do 100 squats in my room everyday and then check my butt immediately after every set to see if it grew a little.

I did home workout videos that included the words “booty” “glutes” “tight” “nice butt” . I even ordered a workbook that swore it would make your butt huge. It was a total scam. I should’ve known with the absurd size of the butt on the cover.

As I got older, I found out what weight training could do for your butt. I squatted heavy and deadlifted heavy. My butt was finally getting to the size I wanted. It was not until college when I realized I actually had a nice butt. It finally felt like my workouts were paying off. It was the moments when I would fuck someone and they would compliment my booty that made me really happy. They loved smacking it, squeezing it, putting their dick in it. I was so proud of myself.

Just as I was starting to love my booty, all these fake asses started popping up on social media. All of a sudden everyone had a Kardashian butt! Was this fake butt next for me on my journey? Did I want that butt? My obsession with my butt started to become unhealthy.

I would look at a butt that was clearly fake and then look at mines and be disappointed.

My results from my workouts were no longer satisfying me. I didn’t even care about the compliments I was getting from the guys I was fucking. This was another level of butt that I needed.

I started overdoing my workouts. I was lifting heavy way too fast without getting the rest my body needed. This eventually led me to get a herniated disc. I remember watching an old man struggling to sit on a bench and thinking wow, I have the back of an old man.

With a herniated disc, I couldn’t lift. I became depressed thinking about how my butt was going to deflate. I was also praying that the phrase “you got it from your mama” was not true because my mother did not have the butt I wanted! What felt like months felt like years.

Finally after some rest, I got the okay to lift! It was sad at first because not only was I scared to lift, but I had to start all over. It seemed like just yesterday I was squatting 225lbs and now I was squatting 45lbs. Luckily, my body was already used to lifting, so getting back to it was easier than I expected.

Fast forward to therapy, I came to a realization that I had an unhealthy view of what I thought was healthy for me. Although I was working out which is good for my body, I was putting this extra pressure on myself to have a perfect butt which was not good for my mental health. I had a body image issue.

I had to be real with myself and tell myself that I was comparing myself to people with a different lifestyle and a different body type. I was giving myself impossible expectations. If I continued this route I would never be happy. I was essentially making myself miserable.

I had to change my mindset to what healthy really means. For example, when I workout I no longer determine my workouts on my appearance. Instead, I think about how I feel and how proud I am for getting a workout in. Because let’s be real, who is actually doing that for themselves?

This approach has made me love my workouts and my body more. I have a deeper appreciation for what my body is able to do more than how it looks. Like I’m proud of myself for being able to get in poses that most people probably can’t get into or how cool is it that I can sit in a 100 degree room and do yoga. Or how I can survive and feel great after boxing for 45 minutes.

Wow, what a journey. I’m really glad I went through this because it also made me more in tune with my sexuality. Part of your sexual journey is loving yourself unconditionally and for some that starts with realizing what is healthy for you. Remember, whenever you are doing something especially when it comes to appearance, you ask yourself who are you doing it for. If the answer is not for you, that might be the thing in your gut that is not making you happy.

With that being said, I’m still obsessed with nice butts especially mine. I still turn my head when I see a nice one. It’s now just a lot healthier than before. The only thing I have to work on is checking out my butt whenever I pass a mirror. My boyfriend says I’m the only one who wakes up in the morning and checks their butt out. But I disagree… or am I?!

In appreciation of my booty

I hope with this post, you can learn to love your body more. It’s not about looks, it’s about how you feel with yourself that matters more.

Stay Sexy & Curious

Instagram: @Sexishh

Disclaimer: Many of the links (not all) provided are affiliate links which means that I may get commission if you purchase something using the link on my website. (Thank you in advance) This is at no cost to you at all. I only share things that I believe would help one in their sexual journey. All my opinions and advice are my own. I am not a doctor or therapist so if you have any real life concerning questions, I am not the one.